A
comfortable clutter occupies my home office, all
memories that have been recently placed with calculated effort to recapture an
otherwise lost civilization. I am settled here. I find solace in this room, wall to wall shelves of books beside books upon books, plants, boxes of framed accomplishments, papers, notes, odd trinkets and
mementos.
I should go to bed, but sleep is a painful
process. It is not something I look forward to. Unexplainable pain throughout
my body. Racing mind. I have to sleep on top of the covers with a thin blanket
draped over me or I feel like a body wrapped in an ace bandage.
I know there was a time I felt different, because
I’ve got friends who tell me so. But I face the past like a bug faces the
windshield of an oncoming car. I don’t really have the time to reflect before I’m
hit with the notion that my past is either fiction or belongs to someone else. Maybe I'll just sit here for a while, stare at all the books on the shelves. There is a certain comfort in that.
Here's to better luck in finding Dream Land . . .
ReplyDeleteYes, but there is also an unfortunate side to dreaming too much - means you're not falling into a deep sleep, the REM state. There is a great "Dream Land" there, but we're actually not designed to totally remember it when we wake up. If we remember all our dreams, we're not sleeping well. That is mostly my problem.
ReplyDeleteI will take the luck you offer though, Jenny.
I feel for you David. I put off going to bed as long a I can, sentimentally holding onto the day, particularly if it were Sunday. But then, once in bed asleep, just try and get me out of it quickly the next morning. I wasn't always like this.
ReplyDeleteI dream very vividly in the two hours before dawn, very very detailed dreams, as if real. I have to pinch myself when I awake, and things feel spooky and disconnected for a while. But there are always insights there within the dream.
You can dream too much, and have no rest, you can dream too little and become indolent, it's a hard balance.
Totally agree. It is when you dream too much. The dreams you should remember most are the ones just before you wake up.
ReplyDeleteThere are techniques to sleep soundly and deny the dream, I've found that just makes the dream more urgent over time. Some years ago I had a recurring nightmare, I had to devise a technique for disarming my enemy in my reality and then take it into the dream with me. But then, in order to make the dreams cease or become less frequent, to work on the insecurity and anxiety that the dream was indicating I had. We have an excellent psychologist here called Peter O"Connor, he's written many books about men in midlife, and their dreams, how to constructively work with them, I'd recommend him as reading.
ReplyDeleteWill check that author out, Jeffrey.
ReplyDelete